Where You Are A Visitor

Have you ever been on an African Safari? To gaze across the open grasslands and listen to the rumble of wildebeest hooves, to watch elephants play at a waterhole, infants pushing each other under and using their trunks as snorkels, zebra in close proximity, in their massive black and white stripes, staring back at you — all the famous, really famous animals. Lion prides. A leopard in a tree, its tail elegantly draping down across the branch. Baboons, monkeys, hippos, buffalo. I remember dreaming of safari.

I remember visiting Africa with this dream of the ultimate African safari. And I suppose at that time I wanted the ultimate Safari because I’d never been on safari. And it was my impression that I could go on a safari and see all these incredible things in about three hours, and be really pleased and then say I’ve ticked safari off.

And my first safari experience was a real eye-opener, a real shock, in that it was completely different to what I expected. I had seen wildlife in a zoo like most people have, you know, we’ve only seen wildlife captive. We’ve only seen it in a zoo and wildlife in a zoo is wildlife in a zoo — it’s caged animals with no freedom, who behave in a completely artificial manner. And going on Safari is the complete opposite. It’s wild animals in their own territory, where you are purely a visitor.

They Could Have Trampled Me To Death

And when I set off on this first safari I had in my eyes, right, I’m going to see all these animals, I’m going to see them straight away. I’m going to be taking photos of them. The first place we stopped was this lake. This was in Tanzania, the North of Tanzania at Lake Manyara. And there was this lake and there were hippos in the lake. And I was so excited. The guide said you can get out and you can walk a little bit. And I was running, I was practically running down to the lake to take a photo of these hippos. And the only thing that broke the silence were about four safari guides behind me, shouting, running after me because I was running into hippo territory, all arrogant, misguided, foolish human wanting to get a great photo — and coming face to face with a two-ton animal, or actually a pod of two-ton animals, who could have quite comfortably trampled me to death because I was invading their territory.

A Bizarre Sight

Now, that was a warning. That was a warning to me that on the safari, I’m a visitor. And from there we drove to Ngorongoro Crater. And we were at the entrance gate to Ngorongoro Crater. And as we parked up, there were some other vehicles there. And the guide said, you can get out, that’s fine. Always keep the windows closed, because there are baboons. And don’t take any food out with you.

Now, I was quite scared after the hippo incident. So I decided I’m going to stay in my vehicle. And there were baboons playing around and enjoying themselves. And then I was looking across and I was like, “Oh,” this was really — because there was a big baboon on this tree, about 10 meters away, a big male baboon masturbating. Absolutely bizarre fact, bizarre sight, not particularly charming, but I was fascinated.

Baboons In The Car

So of course I had the window open, peering out, taking photos. Ah, look at me, brilliant, look how fun safari is, watching a baboon jerk off. And then I came back in, I was looking at my camera in the safety of my safari vehicle, checking the photos I’ve taken, thinking about who I was going to send it to, thinking about the little caption I was going to put with my Facebook post of this baboon jerking off.

And next thing, I looked up and there was a baboon in front of me.

A baboon had jumped through the open window. And I screamed. I gave off the most feminine, I’ll admit, scream you can possibly imagine. And this appeared to be a mating call for the rest of the baboons, because within — it felt like within three seconds — there were six baboons in the vehicle.

And it was like they’d sent in the smaller one, you know, to see what was going on. And now the rest of the troop jumped in and there were all these baboons in the vehicle. I mean, what do you do when you’re surrounded by baboons, and they’ve come into your territory? And the only way out was through the door. It was absolute chaos.

And of course, I’d left a window open being the foolish foreigner that I was, not knowing the rules of this animal kingdom. And eventually the guides had to come and there was a lot of banging and a lot of things going on.

A Rare Opportunity

Eventually the baboons left and they had raided all the food in the vehicle. And I brought with me these kinds of quite — I would say — luxurious snacks, because we were going out into the bush.

We were going out into the wilderness, so I had brought packs of Pringles and Mars bars and treats, because I wasn’t sure how the food was going to be. And the baboons had stolen all the premium food. And I looked out there was the same baboon who before had been jerking off. And now he had my pack of Pringles and he was ripping them open and happily chomping them while staring straight back at me. The guy was laughing, and he was also telling me off a bit.

And after that experience, that closeup experience, wildlife safari completely changed for me. Because it wasn’t — I went there wanting to take photos and see some animals. And then after that happened, we drove into Ngorongoro and it was wonderfully silent. There were animals around, but I really had a different mindset because I appreciated that a safari is not “come take some photos”, a safari is really this rare opportunity to travel into another world, into the animal kingdom, and to accept all the rules of the animal kingdom.

A Place That Doesn’t Exist Much Anymore

At the start, I was very anxious that it had to happen quickly. I wanted to see the hippo quickly. I wanted to see the baboon quickly. I wanted to see the big five as soon as possible. And after these experiences on the first day, I was really able to relax and understand that safari is not about ticking animals off a list.

It’s not about saying, wow, I saw a baboon or I saw an elephant. It’s really about the privilege of being able to journey into their world and accept their rules. And accept that this is a wild place where anything can happen. And as soon as I had that change in mindset, the experience was otherworldly.

I was completely hooked. I did this one Safari, and since then it’s been an addiction. Safari has not been something that I ticked off my bucketlist. Safari has been something that I did once and I want to do every day of the year for the rest of my life. It was so good. It was such a privilege.

My advice, if you’re planning a Safari is take your time to have more days. Because on that first day, it’s natural to be and behave how I was, desperate to see and photograph the animals. But by spending longer, you’ve got more time to fully relax into the experience, immerse yourself in the animal world and appreciate where you are. And where you are is a place that really doesn’t exist much anymore, a place where the animals rule and they do what they want. And you can just be a visitor.